Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
