chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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