I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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