Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My bed smells like the plague
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