You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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