Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
