I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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