That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
