im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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