Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
