i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
