i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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