Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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