you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
