my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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