Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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