mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
