I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
