I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
