I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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