Kareoke will never be a sober sport
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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