A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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