That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
