i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
