she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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