TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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