i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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