His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
