I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
