I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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