I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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