I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
