She is in my trunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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