I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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