I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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