i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
