What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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