your thong is hanging out like whoa
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
