What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
