You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this will be a night to untag.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
