I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
