Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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