Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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