Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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