The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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