You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
