You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
