Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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