He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
