WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
