It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
