Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize