I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
