I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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