Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
