just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize