I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
