i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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