Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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