Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize