Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
