i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it glows. i had to have it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
