What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
