do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize