if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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