the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
