Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
