id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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