In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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