She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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