ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
a search helicopter?!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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