im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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