So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
