Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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