did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
