omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
