Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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