Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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