worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
where am i from again
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
