one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
